Pregnancy Vs. Marriage

So along with pregnancy comes some hard but necessary changes with marriage…

It all started with a simple miscommunication that lead to a out and out fight over principles.  After about 4 of these types of arguments in a two week span, Mark and I decided to call a truce and seek some counsel.  So who did we call, none other than our friends, the Pryors.

Without the conversation we had with them , I don’t know where Mark and I would be right now.  I know one thing, though, it would be not united.  What was most valuable was hearing language wrapped around the things I was feeling from a couple who have gone through pregnancy 5 times.  I felt very understood, as did Mark, to a point of almost epiphany.

Turns out, the more pregnant I have become, the more vulnerable I feel.  And my inability to explain this mysterious phenomenon was the root to the miscommunication Mark and I had been experiencing.

When a woman becomes pregnant, things change.  Her body no longer resembles the youthful shape it once had.  She looks in the mirror and realizes she is no longer in control of her ever changing waistline.   Her mind wonders into what kind of mother she will be, how prepared she is, and what color is the crib going to be…along with fears and anxiety if whether or not she is ready for such a permanent responsibility.  Of course she chose this path and God blessed it, but as time passes the weight of the change begins to sink heavier.

This may be a dramatization for some, but this is what I’ve been going through.

As things progress with pregnancy, I find my self teetering on the line of utter fear and complete bliss.  It’s been incredible thus far, nothing I can’t handle and definitely not to far from normality, but when I look ahead to the palethera of unknowns it’s hard for me to rely on the simple fact that it’s going to be okay. With all this being said, I haven’t been handling the external changes of life very well…

So, as these feelings surfaced, and I was still unable to articulate them, I found myself expecting Mark to understand and filter all of his ideas/thoughts/challenges through this ‘pregnancy’ lense.  Obviously, an unrealistic expectation, you can only image the arguments we got in when I immediately refuted Mark’s proposed excursion to Seattle in January just weeks after our due date.   I was hurt and even questioned his commitment to our family. ‘How could you brainstorm such a vacation with all the unknowns in front of us’, was my thought, and ‘I have no idea why you are freaking out right now’ were his thoughts.

After realizing that I have been feeling vulnerable, and have been expecting Mark to “protect” me from too much, and after realizing that the process I went about telling Mark these feelings was incredibly disrespectful, we sort-of looked at each other and went, “Ohhhh.”

It has definitly gotten better since the intital conversation with the Pryors, who helped us come to this realization.  We approach each other in a way that is first trusting of the other person, and second respectful of how each one is feeling right now in this ‘pregnancy state’.